Distracted
dis·trac·tion [dəˈstrakSH(ə)n]
noun
1. a thing that prevents someone from giving full attention to something else.
"a distraction from the real issues"
2. extreme agitation of the mind or emotions.
"he knew she was nervous by her uncharacteristic air of distraction"
Today's generation + culture is one of the most distracted cultures of all time. If you listen to all the podcasts, audio books, motivational speakers + trendy social media "voices"... one of the top conversations that is talks about "Vulnerability." But why? Why do we have to push vulnerability so hard? It should be easy to be yourself... But it's not because people are more medicated + addicted to distraction than ever before!
So what should we be talking about instead of coming up with NEW WAYS to be "vulnerable"? I believe, it's more direct to remove the distractions. It's so easy to get distracted (+ lets be honest, ADDICTED) to things that make us feel good, numb or okay. Being honest here, I used to judge people who used alcohol, took pills or ate tons of food to avoid their problems. Why? Because I didn't understand their pain + even worse, I didn't see how I was being the same way.
After my divorce, I lost most (if not all) of my friends. I lost my group of people I was constantly surrounded by AKA the "medication" I was taking daily without even knowing it. More than the loss of a husband, THIS ADDICTION TO PEOPLE was a greater loss to me than I have ever known. I know I promised in my blog homepage to be honest + vulnerable... so there it is. Imagine for a second being given a drug daily... now all of the sudden, in one foul swoop I was cut off cold turkey. I'll admit, I didn't know what to do... Even more, not only was I cut off, but bullied, judged + harassed.
I tried EVERYTHING I knew to beat it, to distract from the "detox", to push through the pain + to redeem the loss... to no avail. So what now? No one had answers, most people just had more drugs of their choice to offer me. Most people cut their emotions off completely + tried to show me how. (again, the reason why we now have to encourage people to get back in touch with their feelings) No! I didn't want to leave one distraction to pick up another. So it was time... time to face the scary things I wanted or needed a distraction from.
My insecurities, my failures, my weakness, my pain. It has been a year of facing these things, talking to the real issues, asking the hard questions + being truthful with my reactions. Distracting yourself from these things or pretending like you are ok (when you're not) will only delay the real work you have to do. There is a difference between pretending + being positive in your journey! Positive people are able to see the work they need to do, but encourage others + themselves in the process. Pretending is lying. Most people do it, some without even knowing they are.
We try to create + design the life we want, but we don't realize that building a skyscraper on a cracked foundation will only delay + increase the crash, not hide or prevent it. Before you get married, work out your personal issues, don't use that relationship to hide it. Before you move to a new job, make sure your work ethic + attitude is excellent, don't blame the job for your failure. Before you have a baby, make sure you are happy with your partner. Before you max out your credit card, make sure you have paid off the previous bills. Babies, weddings, + debt will only distract, not take away the real issues.
I try to never regret anything, but I will say it would've been better to get married later when I was ready, than to try to solve my problems by getting married sooner + now am divorced. After the crash, I was forced to finally work on the cracks in my foundation. It's humbling, it's embarrassing + it's the hardest thing I have ever done... but better to do it now than to distract + pretend it's not there. This season I am working on fixing the foundation, pouring new cement + being brave at telling my story. You can too. My challenge for today: Take a look at your life + ask yourself "Am I being honest? Am I distracted? If so, why? What am I avoiding? What am I afraid of? How do I sober up, face it, + get rid of it for good!?
I believe in you. I am cheering you on to be the BEST YOU you can be! Please feel free to share your thoughts! Always, Mel Marie xoxo