When you don't know you're stuck by "Resentment"

re·sent·ment [rəˈzentmənt]

noun 1. bitter indignation at having been treated unfairly.

Resentment. Not a great topic. Not a great feeling. Not a great symptom, but it is one I know everyone has probably dealt with at one point of another. No? Well, you might not even know you do, because it is an excellent hider. It shows itself as your excuse to be the way you are, or it is used as an argument of "justice" for you or others. 

No matter what, resentment is here to destroy you.

Sadly, most of the time, you want life to get better, but you don't know you're stuck. Stuck by resentment or bitterness. Because you can't pick up new good things, while holding onto so many dead hurtful things. Even if you want to "let it go" I am not sure resentment just "goes away" by itself... however I do know it can sleep + will be ready to rear its ugly head anytime it's awakened. Have you ever talked to someone + when you discover their hurt, or when they express their pain or frustration, you can hear resentment pop up? For some it's a recent addition from a new wound + other times I can see people have lived with it for years!

This topic came up because I was talking with a friend + she mentioned she wanted to do something nice for her family, but is unwilling to because of resentment. Resentment can destroy families, jobs, marriages, + relationships because of it's unforgiving nature. It is unwilling to give in, be humble or let go of the hurt is it fueled by. It kills everything it can. 

Now, I don't need to give a lesson on this, most of you know what it feels like, why you feel justified in holding onto it + how it happens. But I do want to share what I found when looking up resentment. I happened to discover the opposite feelings in the definition as well: Resentment (Antonyms): calm, calmness, cheer, comfort, delight, friendliness, glee, good will, happiness, joy, kindness, love, pleasure, sweetness, sympathy, affection...Ummm yea, I want those instead!

My new theory is that if I want more love, pleasure + kindness in my life, I can't just add more good, I need to get rid of the bad. I need to get rid of "resentment" no matter how justified I am. But getting rid of resentment won't just mean I stop thinking about "it", I also need to stop worrying about it, I need to stop telling others about it + most of all stop letting it control WHO I AM or WHAT I DO anymore! You see, no matter if you think this is stupid, or dumb to write about this stuff... I think its stupid + dumb to let a thing of the past wreck my future (or yours).

If you have let an old wound, pain or hurt prevent you from being who you are supposed to be, being in relationship with someone you are supposed to be with or standing up + doing whats right.. I have a reality check for you... You are sadly being controlled by "someone or something" that has left you already. A memory really. 

Being vulnerable (cause thats what I promised I would do), when I talked to my friend it was so easy to point out the "resentment" in her. Then looking at myself, yes, I could honestly see some in my life too... but wow, by the time I was done with this thing... I see resentment living + breathing through most of my mistakes, my divorce, my friendships, my coldness with people + my judgement on others. This is because I did not think that something is or was "fair" in my life.

The other night, I went to dinner in Deep Ellum + my friend wanted to buy pizzas for the homeless outside. My friend has such a beautiful soft spirit,  so I agreed to help. While talking to this beautiful kind homeless woman outside, she began to share her life, her pain, + her daily struggle with me. I cried... as I did she laughed as she asked me "what the F*** do  have to cry about?" Convicted, I cried with empathy + guilt on how ungrateful I have been in my own circumstances. I have been distracted by "resentment" with what I thought I "deserved" in certain situations. When I didn't get it, I pouted, fought for myself, got what I wanted regardless, + used my resentment as my excuse to do it. I was now STUCK + didn't even know it.

Resentment is fog that clouds our perspective. It is full of pride, anger, disappointment, unmet expectations, sadness + death. You feel like you deserve to feel it (maybe you do), but it still will kill everything + everyone around you. When you wear it, people avoid you, because it is ugly.

NOTHING YOU DO OUT OF RESENTMENT WILL EVER BRING LIFE, LOVE OR JOY TO ANYONE! 

So let's get rid of it shall we? But how? To this I will ask some of my favorites... YOU! People who have done it! What do you think? How do you forgive when it seems impossible? What is your process? How do you let go? How do you trust again? I would love YOUR feedback! I would love to start a positive conversation to grow + get better myself! 

*All I ask is please stay positive + light bringing answers. Stay true to yourself but please no judgemental + negative discussions.